Starting to pick up...

Everything is starting to feel like it's coming together. I had my interview in Verona today for subbing and after they call references and enter me in the system I should be able to start. Plus, I have to get a TB test and physical, which they pay for. Hopefully when I do that I can get a new prescription for BC pills and spiro and start to feel better. Liz and I got passes to anytime fitness and it should be very worth it. Biggest Loser started tonight and that is very motivating. I want to lose 7-8 lbs by homecoming and 20 lbs by Pat's wedding which is Dec. 12th. I want to work out 5 times a week or so and cut my calories to under 2000. Calculators online and such say that someone my age, weight, height, etc. should eat 2250 calories a day so if I can cut 500 or more a day and work out another 500 or so at the gym I can hopefully lose an average of 1-2 lbs a week, which would lead to my goals. We also got unlimited tanning for $4 and that is cheaper than one time at most places so I'm excited that I can tan 2-3 times a month and not break the bank and I can even out my old drum corps tanlines (yes I still have 'em!) and look good at the wedding. It's especially important to me because if I lose the weight, then I will be 30 lbs less than at Dan's wedding and won't have a major sports bra tanline. It was embarrassing because our whole family was there and it's a major event with lots of pictures. I want to feel proud of who I am and feel as pretty as I can, for me and my family.
I'm kind of irritated because Oregon called and said they were having trouble getting ahold of Dickerson and I know that his Fall schedule only consists of marching band, U-Band, and observing student teachers. BMB is a lot of work, but he should have plenty of time to return a phone call. I have done a lot of hard work, including for the BMB, and I deserve his recommendation in a more timely manner. I feel upset that my success isn't important enough to him to do that for me. What if it were for a permanent job? Eric called back right away and I'm thankful for that. If she got the references checked then the only thing I have to do is get entered in the system and START SUBBING. I need to start making money. These schools only pay twice a month so if I sub now until the end of the month, it still only gets on the mid-month check so I won't get paid until mid-Oct. My Memorial check is late too, especially considering it's from work in mid-august. I emailed the lady my frustrations and she's trying to push it to Friday's payroll. Thank god. Gotta get Becky paid off so I can just concentrate on the rest of my expenses.
Things I need to pay:
Becky: After the Memorial check comes I will hopefully only owe her $100-150.
Liz: 2 months rent by the time I can pay her, 2 months gym pass, cable, and some smaller loans=probably about $1000.
Car: my brakes are leaking fluid and the dilemna is whether to fix it or to throw it on craigslist now and get a new car. A new car would probably be around $3000 or $150-200 a month.
Credit card: I owe just under $700 on that.
Saxophone: I am only paying the $27 minimum right now, but the interest is insane. Total due is over $3,700.
School Loans: Right now, I don't have to pay these, but I think around January I will have to start paying $190 a month!

Then the current expenses come in, let alone the things I really would like to have (new tennis shoes, I-Pod, a new computer, some new clothes).
If I sub every day of the week, my monthly income will be close to $2000 a month before taxes and so you can see how I'm eager to start getting out there. I could pay $375 (rent), $55 phone, $100 (cable, energy) and another $150 on gas/food. Total=$680. I can really make a dent on those debts if I am really good about spending as little as possible. With working out, I'll be less likely to blow money and effort on fast food, which is my biggest area of wasting money.

You probably don't care to see my breakdown of expenses, but it does help me to write it all out. This is what the adult world is like! If I can set aside $500 a month for paying back loans and the credit card then I should be feeling a lot better by the end of the year. Interest is a terrible thing. They really take advantage of people who need money! This past year has really proven that you never know where you'll end up in a year so I need to pay things off and starting saving for emergencies as much as possible. Last year I would have told you I would have a salaried job by now. I won't even be so bold as to predict that for next year, because now I know better. I will, however, continue to keep that as my main goal and push for as much as I can get. I cannot wait to get huge checks (in comparison to now) for doing something that I love to do. Having a regular schedule for the first time in years could be really good for my stress levels, weight problems, money problems, etc. I can just worry about growing as an educator and musician, and spending time with those who matter to me.
A boyfriend would be nice, too. It's not something that I ever really let get me down, though I throw out the occasional "woes-me" comment-I really am happy either way. I just imagine the happiness that can be ADDED if I have another person to share everything with, especially if it's the way I can share with my sisters. I find myself looking around more since graduation, maybe it's my body's way of knowing that time is limited. I check out everyone it seems! The guy who runs anytime fitness (never would happen), the guy mowing his lawn, the guy in the checkout, the teachers in the area, people I already know, etc. It's sort of funny. It's been so long and sometimes when you are single for a long-time you wonder if it's the way you imagine it or if you've started to build a whole new (unrealistic) concept of the way kissing feels or snuggling up next to someone. It's like...I forgot what touch feels like. It becomes really so hard to remember that you hope when you do that you aren't disappointed. Like..."that's it?". You know? Like, rubbing someone's back always seems good in your daydream, but the rare chances I've had just seem forced and awkward. Touch is touch, someone rubbing their hand on your shoulder doesn't feel much different than if you did it to yourself....I can't imagine holding someone's hand with thinking "we're holding hands". So I am rarely down about my single status, but I hold a great deal of wonder about how it will actually feel because I've never really had anything to compare real life to, besides my imagination (which could be way off!). When I watch chick flicks, Pretty Woman for example, my stomach gets all knotted. I have to wonder if a real life connection can actually do that or just experiencing an imaginary story gives off that sort of tension. So.....yep. We'll see I guess? I just want someone who I look up to and admire and does the same to me. It'll come.
I think, since my blood is pumping after that workout, that I might stay up for a while and try to get a website going for myself. I want to promote myself as a licensed music educator, but also as a freelance musician, though my expectations for gigging are not high. I think it will do my image and sense of self a lot of good to create a nice site that shares more about who I am, what I've accomplished, what I can do, and what I want to do. So...that's my project for the next few days. I'm new at this, but I can work around technology fairly well so I'm hoping that it's something I can be proud of and start to share it. I want to create business cards and write letters/emails to all of the area music teachers and be able to list a site where they can explore if they so please. SO, with that, have a great night and I hope you enjoying the Season 8 premiere of The Biggest Loser-"Second Chances".