Starting to pick up...

Everything is starting to feel like it's coming together. I had my interview in Verona today for subbing and after they call references and enter me in the system I should be able to start. Plus, I have to get a TB test and physical, which they pay for. Hopefully when I do that I can get a new prescription for BC pills and spiro and start to feel better. Liz and I got passes to anytime fitness and it should be very worth it. Biggest Loser started tonight and that is very motivating. I want to lose 7-8 lbs by homecoming and 20 lbs by Pat's wedding which is Dec. 12th. I want to work out 5 times a week or so and cut my calories to under 2000. Calculators online and such say that someone my age, weight, height, etc. should eat 2250 calories a day so if I can cut 500 or more a day and work out another 500 or so at the gym I can hopefully lose an average of 1-2 lbs a week, which would lead to my goals. We also got unlimited tanning for $4 and that is cheaper than one time at most places so I'm excited that I can tan 2-3 times a month and not break the bank and I can even out my old drum corps tanlines (yes I still have 'em!) and look good at the wedding. It's especially important to me because if I lose the weight, then I will be 30 lbs less than at Dan's wedding and won't have a major sports bra tanline. It was embarrassing because our whole family was there and it's a major event with lots of pictures. I want to feel proud of who I am and feel as pretty as I can, for me and my family.
I'm kind of irritated because Oregon called and said they were having trouble getting ahold of Dickerson and I know that his Fall schedule only consists of marching band, U-Band, and observing student teachers. BMB is a lot of work, but he should have plenty of time to return a phone call. I have done a lot of hard work, including for the BMB, and I deserve his recommendation in a more timely manner. I feel upset that my success isn't important enough to him to do that for me. What if it were for a permanent job? Eric called back right away and I'm thankful for that. If she got the references checked then the only thing I have to do is get entered in the system and START SUBBING. I need to start making money. These schools only pay twice a month so if I sub now until the end of the month, it still only gets on the mid-month check so I won't get paid until mid-Oct. My Memorial check is late too, especially considering it's from work in mid-august. I emailed the lady my frustrations and she's trying to push it to Friday's payroll. Thank god. Gotta get Becky paid off so I can just concentrate on the rest of my expenses.
Things I need to pay:
Becky: After the Memorial check comes I will hopefully only owe her $100-150.
Liz: 2 months rent by the time I can pay her, 2 months gym pass, cable, and some smaller loans=probably about $1000.
Car: my brakes are leaking fluid and the dilemna is whether to fix it or to throw it on craigslist now and get a new car. A new car would probably be around $3000 or $150-200 a month.
Credit card: I owe just under $700 on that.
Saxophone: I am only paying the $27 minimum right now, but the interest is insane. Total due is over $3,700.
School Loans: Right now, I don't have to pay these, but I think around January I will have to start paying $190 a month!

Then the current expenses come in, let alone the things I really would like to have (new tennis shoes, I-Pod, a new computer, some new clothes).
If I sub every day of the week, my monthly income will be close to $2000 a month before taxes and so you can see how I'm eager to start getting out there. I could pay $375 (rent), $55 phone, $100 (cable, energy) and another $150 on gas/food. Total=$680. I can really make a dent on those debts if I am really good about spending as little as possible. With working out, I'll be less likely to blow money and effort on fast food, which is my biggest area of wasting money.

You probably don't care to see my breakdown of expenses, but it does help me to write it all out. This is what the adult world is like! If I can set aside $500 a month for paying back loans and the credit card then I should be feeling a lot better by the end of the year. Interest is a terrible thing. They really take advantage of people who need money! This past year has really proven that you never know where you'll end up in a year so I need to pay things off and starting saving for emergencies as much as possible. Last year I would have told you I would have a salaried job by now. I won't even be so bold as to predict that for next year, because now I know better. I will, however, continue to keep that as my main goal and push for as much as I can get. I cannot wait to get huge checks (in comparison to now) for doing something that I love to do. Having a regular schedule for the first time in years could be really good for my stress levels, weight problems, money problems, etc. I can just worry about growing as an educator and musician, and spending time with those who matter to me.
A boyfriend would be nice, too. It's not something that I ever really let get me down, though I throw out the occasional "woes-me" comment-I really am happy either way. I just imagine the happiness that can be ADDED if I have another person to share everything with, especially if it's the way I can share with my sisters. I find myself looking around more since graduation, maybe it's my body's way of knowing that time is limited. I check out everyone it seems! The guy who runs anytime fitness (never would happen), the guy mowing his lawn, the guy in the checkout, the teachers in the area, people I already know, etc. It's sort of funny. It's been so long and sometimes when you are single for a long-time you wonder if it's the way you imagine it or if you've started to build a whole new (unrealistic) concept of the way kissing feels or snuggling up next to someone. It's like...I forgot what touch feels like. It becomes really so hard to remember that you hope when you do that you aren't disappointed. Like..."that's it?". You know? Like, rubbing someone's back always seems good in your daydream, but the rare chances I've had just seem forced and awkward. Touch is touch, someone rubbing their hand on your shoulder doesn't feel much different than if you did it to yourself....I can't imagine holding someone's hand with thinking "we're holding hands". So I am rarely down about my single status, but I hold a great deal of wonder about how it will actually feel because I've never really had anything to compare real life to, besides my imagination (which could be way off!). When I watch chick flicks, Pretty Woman for example, my stomach gets all knotted. I have to wonder if a real life connection can actually do that or just experiencing an imaginary story gives off that sort of tension. So.....yep. We'll see I guess? I just want someone who I look up to and admire and does the same to me. It'll come.
I think, since my blood is pumping after that workout, that I might stay up for a while and try to get a website going for myself. I want to promote myself as a licensed music educator, but also as a freelance musician, though my expectations for gigging are not high. I think it will do my image and sense of self a lot of good to create a nice site that shares more about who I am, what I've accomplished, what I can do, and what I want to do. So...that's my project for the next few days. I'm new at this, but I can work around technology fairly well so I'm hoping that it's something I can be proud of and start to share it. I want to create business cards and write letters/emails to all of the area music teachers and be able to list a site where they can explore if they so please. SO, with that, have a great night and I hope you enjoying the Season 8 premiere of The Biggest Loser-"Second Chances".

I deserve a medal.

Liz is passed out in my bed and Lauren just barfed spaghetti on my carpet. Still smilin'!

Still not gettin' comments on here really...hmmm...

Well folks today proved to be a very interesting day. I woke up at 8am to a call from Verona SD offering me an interview to sub for the district. I definitely accepted considering their website says they are already full for subs and it is the school district that I live in. So that is next Tuesday at 9:30 am. Great. With my interview in Oregon complete, which went well in case I forgot to mention, that means I essentially have at least two districts to sub in (similar to last Spring). Madison Metropolitan SD said they started processing references and such this week and would bump me up the list so that is a big possibility for a third with a ton of schools, which is great news considering I quit DT. (I never showed tonight and they only called once 45 minutes after I was supposed to be there-probably means they have a high turnover rate-wonder why?). So everything seems good.
I applied to be a nights and weekends FULL-TIME retail sales associate at Ward Brodt as well. We'll wait to hear what they say, but I am otherwise planning on stopping in there next week to talk to someone face to face.
Around 3pm I get an email from Doc that goes as such:
Theresa....

I only just now found this out, and I realize that you probably already know, BUT I couldn’t take a chance that you didn’t. Chippewa Falls High School is taking applications for Andrei’s old job. If you haven’t thrown your hat in the ring, I’d suggest that you do so....

Later... Doc

P.S. Also sent this to your uwec address and copied it to Liz – when I got your out of office message, I just re-sent the whole thing here. Just wanted to be super sure that you got it.

Ok. What? That can't be right? So as I'm processing that in my head frantically, Liz popped her head in my bedroom door and says, "I'm hooooome". I screamed so loud! ha. Scared the shit out of me. So I showed her and she dials Doc right away and he said that Dave M. doesn't want to stay the whole year and that at some later point they will need a long term sub. It's hard because I want to make sure this is true and don't want to spread rumors or get my hopes up, but it's major news. Why? Because now I live in Madison. I pay rent (well, Liz does and I pay her back sometime). I moved everything down here. I have potential jobs lined up. I don't know if or when this will happen but it's a lot to think about. So I'd rather just wait and see. Why worry about something that won't be happening for months, if even at all?
As Liz wraps up her conversation with Doc my phone rings...It's Madison Met. SD offering me an interview for either of the (still open!) elementary music positions (.9 and .2). I didn't even apply! I was sort of stuttering with the lady trying to explain my situation. I want income, but I'm not very well equipped to teach elem. and Liz would essentially write my lessons every night for me. I might an opportunity down the road to finish the year out in Chippewa, which is my dream job that I thought wasn't even going to be open until the Fall. So I set up the interview and agreed to think about it over the weekend and let her know Monday (before my interview at 3pm). I called a few friends right away. Kristin interviewed for these positions already and never heard back, which is strange. And then I thought to call Matt Tiller, but figured he was settled in Osseo or EC or something. He was really interested and Liz and I both agree he would be a much better fit and we would urge Madison to hire him. If he calls them Monday morning, he might have an interview by the afternoon. He talked to Claire and they're going to go for it-so wish him major luck!!
I don't know if they would hire me anyways, but it would be extremely difficult for me to teach elementary music, pretty much full-time, as a beginning teacher AND in an extremely diverse and large school. I don't think I'd be very happy doing that. If I can sub a lot and save up money, then if I need to move or something in the Spring I can. Looks like a tough semester/year either way.
Then I watched Bryce B.'s video he shared on facebook and almost threw-up laughing (I posted it in my profile too) and then Liz and I drove around Madison looking for comfort food. We ended up at Chili's and weren't too satisfied. Expensive long islands and spicy food and I had a migraine so our plans of getting giddy and drunk at home were foiled by our food coma and indigestion. We watched "The Girl Who Cries Blood" a terrible documentay On Demand about a girl with a blood disorder. Final diagnosis-The mom is probably putting blood on the girl's face making it look like she's crying blood. WTF?
So, crazy day. Tomorrow Fat Z is coming and we're having texas toast with a side of SAILOR. Should be great. Post some comments so I'm more motivated to blog again.

Madison Dollar Tree=NO THANKS

So things have been very different since I got down to Madison. I've always had a sort of romantic relationship with Madison and am glad to be here. Living somewhere more permanently is, however, less exciting. We didn't have internet for a week so instead of hash through what Liz already wrote in her blog, I'd like to mostly fast forward to more recent events.
Excuse me, but holy shit do I hate the Madison (Whitney Way) Dollar Tree. Before moving I had talked to the manager and thought he sounded a little drab, but whatever, I figured SOME of the other employees have to be more upbeat in personality. No. Then my EC manager suggested that I visit the store first because she's weary of the Madison stores having lived here previously. Liz and I went when moving into our apartment that first weekend. It seemed normal enough. Odana Road, next to Laredo's, in a nice strip mall...The size and content of the store was very similar to EC and I figured all would be fine, especially if seen as merely a transitional job. My manager and I talked a couple more times before my first shift and again, very drab. Boring, skeptical, fatigued, and it seemed like they needed me but were afraid to say it. So whatever. Tuesday night I go in and this high school mexican chick is just staring at me. ok:

"Hi. I'm Theresa and I'm here to work....Transferred from another store. Nice to meet you"
"Talk to the manager"
"Ok....where?"
Yer comes around the corner. "Follow me. You can put your purse here and you'll be on register 5". We proceed to sign and in it's awkward. Fred, who never introduces himself (though I did in a friendly way to him) grumbles about my log-in number thing not working for 10 minutes before we realize that someone else has the same 5 digits of their SSN as me. We figure it out and I get sign-ed on. Cashier for 2 hours, not a word from anyone. Then, "You can go on break". Ok, great well there's a huge f-ing line. After helping another 10 people I (politely) ask 2 elderly women to go to another register. They're fine with it. Big Ole Black Lady walks over as soon as they leave and slams two 4 packs of Shasta on the counter and I ask her to go to register 1 please so I can shut mine down (The light is already off). "Where your closed sign?!" "I don't know. It's my first day and I have already helped too many people after I was told to shut down. I'm sorry, but she can help you on 1." "No." ok, so ring her up and politely ask if she wants a bag, acting as though she hadn't just been extremely rude. "yeah, but don't bother!!" She grabs her own bag from behind the register and slams her shit and takes off. WTF?? The rest of my night was equally bad, we got out late and NOBODY talked to me. Then I find out the bank that I have to follow the closing manager to is fricken halfway to Middleton. I got done and needed a damn orange cream shake from McDonalds.
TONIGHT I did NOT want to go, but I was trying to be optimistic. "It'll only be for a month or so until I start subbing"... OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH NNOOO THEY DIDN'T! It was ten times worse. The manager was STILL old, boring, and cold and won't even look me in the eye. No feedback, no chatter, no help, no condolences. Drunk as hell lady loses her keys and wants us to drop everything and look for them. SHE SHOULDN'T BE DRIVING. IF YOU CAN'T TALK-YOU CAN'T DRIVE!! She swearing her head off and finally we find them aftering doing PA announcements and crap. By the time I had my break I wanted to walk out, but the manager is so frickin' creepy I thought he might come after me. I decided to finish out the night. I didn't know that the store outside of my front area looked like hell, and someone else was a no show tonight and that I would stay an extra hour and a half AFTER close. We didn't even do everything we're supposed to do because then I would have legally had to take a break. This was me working with the GENERAL MANAGER, busting my ass, and he just kept grunting and NEVER thanked me or gave me any feedback. It's not just the lack of feedback. It's the lack of instructions at all. Don't they know that stores do things differently and someone needs to tell me what I should be doing, at least in a general timeline sense? ARGH. Tomorrow I am NOT going. Wow, that was a long rant for only 2 days on the job.
I know I need money. I am determined to make a lot of it. I would rather scrape the grill at McDonald's than ever set foot in that hell-hole again.

One thing that Liz and I are looking forward to, being in Madison, is leaning about and experiencing diversity. Sometimes it's hard not to generalize or stereotype. Stereotypes exist because of patterns in reality. There have been a lot of pleasant interactions since moving here, with people of all backgrounds. Some of the customers were surprisingly welcoming for example. Some...paid for $23.00 worth of shit in dimes, nickels, and pennies and yelled at their kids to shut up the entire time. Some...yell across a quiet store because they think they own the place because they have an EBT card. Some...smell like they only bathed in their own urine for the past year and steal shopping carts at 7:30am to cart around their garbage bags and recycling.
Believe me. I care passionately about being a good person and doing right to all of humankind. But right now...I wanna bust a cap in someone's ass. I want to smack some of these parents. At the same time I want to hug some of these kids. I want to have a beer with some of these old Bill Cosby types and I want to make a difference somehow. So right now, I guess Madison has not been very much like I thought it would be. That's not negative. And it's not extremely different either...but it's perplexing at times.
ALSO, between Verona Rd. and our apt. must be the thicket from Bambi because I have seen a racoon, rabbit, a cat, many squirrels, and a FRICKIN' SKUNK. Damn thing was wierd. Very black, with 2 very clean, white stripes, checking out our patio area. Better be careful.
Well, that's likely plently of reading material for now. Tomorrow is major job hunt time and hopefully I'll hear back from some of the schools I want to sub for. Fat Z and Yakob are coming to visit Saturday night I believe and I can't wait! Cable=more frequent posting hopefully. Catch you on the flip-side folks. Send me some sega.

Almost done at Holiday!

Two more shifts. I can't wait, because I work over 35 hours this week. Tomorrow is the longest shift (10 hours) and then 9 more on Friday (12-9). I'm hoping I can get done early, because that's the night of the little going away party I'm throwing myself on water street. I hope people are coming out! I've actually been going out quite a bit the last 3 weeks or so, which is awesome, except on my banking account.
I forgot to get gas tonight at works, which sucks because I'm on the E. That's the reason I drove to work instead of walk...ALSO, the frickin' check brake light tapped on a few times and so I added some fluid, but hopefully this won't be bad. A few months ago the light came on and we added fluid and it hasn't done anything since. It was more like 6 months ago and I thought it was a fluke so....we'll see. If it's that slow of a leak then I'll just fill 'er up whenever I fill the tank. I NEED the car to last a few months in Madison until I save up some money. The brakes aren't making any noise or anything so...*knock on wood*.
I'm excited to get to Madison, but I'm starting to realize it is still going to take a little bit before I start racking in the dough. Transferring to Madison Dollar Tree happens fast. My manager told me she would take care of everything Monday and tonight at Holiday I got a voicemail from the Madison manager saying nobody there knew anything of my transfer, but him so....gotta make some calls tomorrow morning. It needs to move fast because I think he wants me to cover some shifts next week. It should be interesting to see what my pay will be and when my first paycheck is going to be.
It has been interesting to watch everyone go back to school. I don't feel like I should be there, in fact, I wasn't taking classes on campus for a year now since I student taught last fall. It's just sort of funny to watch the excitement from the outside. Quite a few of my old students are now freshmen at UWEC and it's fun to read their statuses and such. It brings back memories and gives me warm fuzzies remembering me as a freshman, what was exciting back then, what was important back then, and who we knew back then.
I'm watching "Look Who's Talking" on TV and the young John Travolta was HOT. Seriously, I don't think we knew it when we were tweens watching that movie and "Grease". He can move...I hate the father of the baby (Albert?). A-hole.
I also watched "Baby Story" earlier. Cried...of course. The build-up, being a baby person, and seeing the dad cry at the birth...aaaaawwwww. Sometimes I wonder if people still think I'm tough....an aggressive, overly confident, tough gal....I'm a big pile of fluff and dreams. I am strong-minded, I'll give you that. But I really want to have a family, I cry at the drop of a hat, and I can be extremely insecure and sensitive. Hoping that one ovary is still pumping because I can't wait to have a family. Thanks TLC. Send me a man.

Trying to make it until Madison before I do laundry, but my works clothes might not make it.
Get him Travolta! He's now beating up the dad!! yes...
Ok, gonna wrap it up by saying if you are in town-come out with me Friday night.