Drum Corps!

I am SO glad that we went to Drums Along the Chippewa. I thought is was going to be a bunch of small, shaky open class corps even so late in the season. Well, whoa. It was a wonderful show AND there was a full stadium...in EAU CLAIRE!
I try to spend so much time telling myself that it was a great activity while we were younger and though I gained a lot through it that there is a lot more to life and to music itself. I haven't seen a show in a long time so it's easy to brush off how much of my background in based on marching and when I've been applying for jobs I've been telling myself "It's ok if they don't march" and "I've done the marching thing". But as soon as the first corps took the field there was a huge lump in my throat and as they built chords in their on-field warm-up my eyes filled with tears in an almost embarrassing way. This WAS a MAJOR part of me. I'll never forget and it shaped who I am today. For the first 2-3 corps I was just flooded with memories and emotions. I felt like it were my own kids out their performing and I was SO proud of everyone. These were mostly corps that we didn't march with in shows when we were in Capital Sound, but drum corps is drum corps. Tan faces, sweaty hair, clear execution, loud and in your face moments....and the drumlines were SO good. I think it is remarkable how so few drummers in the world march, but the ones who do are like machines they are able to play so much, so clean, and they are so often in HIGH SCHOOL. This is going to benefit them in so many ways. Even Racine Scouts were the best I've seen them, by a long shot. The peak musical and emotional experiences that I had in drum corps have fueled my passion for music and teaching so much so that when I had tried to ignore them for so long that I nearly exploded with emotion that night. I wanted to shake everyone's hand and thank them for giving corps a chance and that they wouldn't regret it, no matter how hard it seems at times, or how crappy your staff can be sometimes...or how hard the economy has hit your corps family. God, I'm gonna cry again and only those of you who have experienced drum corps will probably understand. I spent 6 years in an activity that is much like the army or a permanent music and leadership camp/exercise, and I met people from all over the world.
*sigh*
So every time I am in the car I hear Miley Cyrus. "The Climb" may not seem like the greatest song to a lot of you, but the words are chilling in that they seem to pertain to my life and job hunt tremendously.
I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa


It's like Dr. Rieck says, I'm a visionary person. I see my tops goals so clearly and feel my feelings so strong that I just want to get there NOW. The journey seems painfully slow most of the time and I've worked hard to reach the top and so it's hard when things are out of my control and not going as planned, especially when I don't feel like I'm moving towards the end goal. This song soothes me sometimes and other times make me angry...

Well, we're off to Chicago for SAI National Convention. Should be exciting, especially with a side of Joe Rodriguez. Update following our return late Sunday night. Peace, love, and drum corps.

Ooof.

I am really sore. I worked so much this weekend and then moved all of our big furniture with Dad last night. After BJ's mexican fiesta buffet all I wanted to do was get in my own bed, but it's in storage. So Liz and I slept together on a deflating mattress. It was not fun. I blew it up 3 times before I gave up. I really wanted to sleep in today. Either way I have a lot of stuff to do I guess so I might as well get started.

It's interesting going through a lot of my things, because I realize how much I've acquired, especially from music and teaching. Back in the day, when we moved to the Beaver Lodge, we had so much useless junk. We had posters, a light up camel, games, crappy movies, etc. We've been clearing out so much over this year that I brought 4 bags/boxes to Goodwill the other day and that was after we made a trip when Becky moved out. Now I've got clothes I actually wear, movies I watch, no posters/silly decor, and tons of educational/musical materials. I have gone through and sorted my binders of teaching stuff and thrown away a lot, but there is still so much! It reminds me how excited I am to get an office and lay it all out and be able to reference it. I'm diving further in no-job depression and it's really a frustrating/confusing time in my life.

It's mid-Monday and no calls from the schools I had hoped to hear from today. It sucks because with Kimberly and NRHEG I had a good feeling they would call and when, and they did. Right now, my gut is turned off (or too full of junk food) and I have no hunches or feelings whatsoever in terms of job luck. I feel completely out of control and I HATE that. I have no leads, no ideas, and no reassurances. Dad even had to start bringing up the whole "don't be afraid to ask us for help" speech, even though he added a bunch of pre-scoldings like "don't leave your shit around, pick up after yourselfs, and respect the other people living there". Duh. I don't think any of us want to move home anyhow. It would be a distracting mess. I never thought it would all come down to this. It hurts really bad even if I get a job tomorrow, right now my pride is destroyed.

Screw you economy. That the hell can I do to make things better for myself that someone else years ago didn't already screw up for me? How did it get this bad? They say that the job situation, though the economy has pretty much bottomed out, will continue to get worse for a while yet as people continue to cut and conserve. I just want to teach kids. I want my life to have purpose. I don't want to scan cigarettes and make sure to sell Rockin' Rhonda her 40oz for the day.

That reminds me I should share that now I only work at Holiday. I put in a 2 week at DT because I felt like it would make me feel closer to having a teaching job-didn't work. But it does free me up for moving and then extra shifts at Holiday and IF NEED BE, interviews. Saturday was my last shift and though I liked the people I worked with, I am glad to have one less thing going on.

I'll probably write some more later today or tomorrow. We're going to the drum corps show in EC tonight so I'll have more to write about when that brings up a bunch of old feelings. I also have to share some work stories from the other day and discuss my online gaming addiction.

'Til next time...

Thanks cornerstone.

I literally feel like my head is about to split in two. Getting older sucks, the hangovers intensify.

It's 8am on a Friday morning and all of the sudden I hear all of this banging around and splitting wood and I jump up to see what's happening and low and behold my screen door is missing and a dirty man says, "didn't they call you?". wtf? NO. They didn't. I have never had this bad of a headache and it's probably my blood all stuck in my head and trying to get back to its original spaces, but I jumped up so fast and it's so LOUD.
NOT happy.
I need to be unconscious.

Welp, procrastination. The true origin of the blog.

Yesterday when Liz went to her interview she dropped me off in Menomonie. It was great to hold Morgan again. Our mom is doing daycare for Dan and Christa 3 days a week. Babies are amazing. Sometimes I just can't help but stare at her and think of the wonder of science and psychology and love and everything in the world. I try to imagine what she'll look like in a few months, but right now she still looks like a newborn baby with a few more folds in her legs. I took Scott and Laura to see Ice Age 3, which was pretty good. There weren't as many laugh out loud moments as the other two, but then again we were the only ones in the theater so maybe more giggling moms would have made it seem funnier. Then randomly the entire family was home that night except for Becky so we ran to Walmart and got a massive bucket of chicken and some dew and chowed down. It was fun. Then Liz and I bonded over the thought of our grandma diving off a diving board to save her own life.
Still not sure what's going on in the job world. Westosha and Lodi officially have all my stuff and are reviewing for interviews. It turns out the superintendant at Westosha is the president of WSMA. HOPEFULLY when he sent me that email the other day it was a good thing. (Can't remember if I mentioned that-he might have accidentally sent me a forward about having me/not having me for an interview). I haven't mailed in my Barron materials because the principal already told me they won't interview until after August 10th. I have some other less than ideal jobs that I am planning on applying for that involve either being part-time or teaching elementary. It's just that subbing will not be good for me anymore. Plus, I need benefits.

Today I need to return movies to the public library, mail my rsvp for Tim's wedding (a day late), do some shift-switching a work, dishes, and clean up in general. We need to start packing up our crap because were renting a storage unit tonight. MUST GET TEACHING JOB!

Looking forward to SAI convention, but it's time to get things done!!

Hunting for jobs.

I'm about ready to shake, rattle, and shit if I do not get a job soon. I've applied for 20 jobs, which has basically been every full-time middle/high school job posted in MN and WI since April. I had the two interviews, both went well, yet didn't produce jobs for me. They both went with someone with more "experience". I just want to know when someone decided people should be punished for their age? I have as much experience as someone who just graduated can have. I've worked extremely hard to ensure that. I began teaching lessons and marching bands FRESHMAN YEAR. I've worked with almost every band in a 30 mile radius of EC. I've played in top ensembles in concert, jazz, and marching, scholastically and professionally. I did 2 1/2 years of sax quartet. I was a 4 1/2 year member of SAI, including offices such as president. I marched 6 years of drum corps, conducting/leading for 5 of those years. I taught Crestview. I judged solo and ensemble. I played in tons of recitals, including 2 of my own (NOT required for music ed. majors).

You'll call for interviews after August 10th???? These schools are ridiculous. What am I supposed to do between then so I don't break down and become depressed about not having a job?

In all of this job stuff I guess that biggest frustration is feeling like this is some sick example of karma. What did I do to deserve this? Am I too conceited? Party too much? Mean to someone? I understand the economy is crap. I understand there are a lot of people in my situation. I understand good teachers are being cut, too. But why are some people getting jobs? What do I need to do? Will I be ok?

Do you know how bad subbing is? I did it for 5 months. I don't want to have to wake up every day at 4:40am to call AESOP and see if I can get a job that day. Or spend my entire evening refreshing the online system. I don't want to be embarrassed. I told all my kids at Memorial that I graduated and was on to find a job. I don't want to be around here still and have everybody see my failure. Not Eric, my students, or my friends. It's terribly degrading.

NOW-In none of this do I want anyone to post "you'll be fine!" or "it's gonna work out". I truly believe these things too deep inside, but my real/surface feelings are getting stronger...HENCE a new blog!

A lot has happened this year and I may jump backwards in time to catch ya'll up or maybe not. Liz has a blog she has been good about. But between graduating, family losses, tours in Florida, part-time jobs, subbing, job hunting, interviews, moving, becoming an aunt, and growing older I feel that I've lost a little bit of myself. My confidence is waring thin and my general outlook is plain.

I'm going to go watch Roseanne and eat chips. Then mail some job materials. Then sit around and wait for a miracle to happen. Next time I'll try to be more funny. Adios.