Ooof.

I am really sore. I worked so much this weekend and then moved all of our big furniture with Dad last night. After BJ's mexican fiesta buffet all I wanted to do was get in my own bed, but it's in storage. So Liz and I slept together on a deflating mattress. It was not fun. I blew it up 3 times before I gave up. I really wanted to sleep in today. Either way I have a lot of stuff to do I guess so I might as well get started.

It's interesting going through a lot of my things, because I realize how much I've acquired, especially from music and teaching. Back in the day, when we moved to the Beaver Lodge, we had so much useless junk. We had posters, a light up camel, games, crappy movies, etc. We've been clearing out so much over this year that I brought 4 bags/boxes to Goodwill the other day and that was after we made a trip when Becky moved out. Now I've got clothes I actually wear, movies I watch, no posters/silly decor, and tons of educational/musical materials. I have gone through and sorted my binders of teaching stuff and thrown away a lot, but there is still so much! It reminds me how excited I am to get an office and lay it all out and be able to reference it. I'm diving further in no-job depression and it's really a frustrating/confusing time in my life.

It's mid-Monday and no calls from the schools I had hoped to hear from today. It sucks because with Kimberly and NRHEG I had a good feeling they would call and when, and they did. Right now, my gut is turned off (or too full of junk food) and I have no hunches or feelings whatsoever in terms of job luck. I feel completely out of control and I HATE that. I have no leads, no ideas, and no reassurances. Dad even had to start bringing up the whole "don't be afraid to ask us for help" speech, even though he added a bunch of pre-scoldings like "don't leave your shit around, pick up after yourselfs, and respect the other people living there". Duh. I don't think any of us want to move home anyhow. It would be a distracting mess. I never thought it would all come down to this. It hurts really bad even if I get a job tomorrow, right now my pride is destroyed.

Screw you economy. That the hell can I do to make things better for myself that someone else years ago didn't already screw up for me? How did it get this bad? They say that the job situation, though the economy has pretty much bottomed out, will continue to get worse for a while yet as people continue to cut and conserve. I just want to teach kids. I want my life to have purpose. I don't want to scan cigarettes and make sure to sell Rockin' Rhonda her 40oz for the day.

That reminds me I should share that now I only work at Holiday. I put in a 2 week at DT because I felt like it would make me feel closer to having a teaching job-didn't work. But it does free me up for moving and then extra shifts at Holiday and IF NEED BE, interviews. Saturday was my last shift and though I liked the people I worked with, I am glad to have one less thing going on.

I'll probably write some more later today or tomorrow. We're going to the drum corps show in EC tonight so I'll have more to write about when that brings up a bunch of old feelings. I also have to share some work stories from the other day and discuss my online gaming addiction.

'Til next time...