Hunting for jobs.

I'm about ready to shake, rattle, and shit if I do not get a job soon. I've applied for 20 jobs, which has basically been every full-time middle/high school job posted in MN and WI since April. I had the two interviews, both went well, yet didn't produce jobs for me. They both went with someone with more "experience". I just want to know when someone decided people should be punished for their age? I have as much experience as someone who just graduated can have. I've worked extremely hard to ensure that. I began teaching lessons and marching bands FRESHMAN YEAR. I've worked with almost every band in a 30 mile radius of EC. I've played in top ensembles in concert, jazz, and marching, scholastically and professionally. I did 2 1/2 years of sax quartet. I was a 4 1/2 year member of SAI, including offices such as president. I marched 6 years of drum corps, conducting/leading for 5 of those years. I taught Crestview. I judged solo and ensemble. I played in tons of recitals, including 2 of my own (NOT required for music ed. majors).

You'll call for interviews after August 10th???? These schools are ridiculous. What am I supposed to do between then so I don't break down and become depressed about not having a job?

In all of this job stuff I guess that biggest frustration is feeling like this is some sick example of karma. What did I do to deserve this? Am I too conceited? Party too much? Mean to someone? I understand the economy is crap. I understand there are a lot of people in my situation. I understand good teachers are being cut, too. But why are some people getting jobs? What do I need to do? Will I be ok?

Do you know how bad subbing is? I did it for 5 months. I don't want to have to wake up every day at 4:40am to call AESOP and see if I can get a job that day. Or spend my entire evening refreshing the online system. I don't want to be embarrassed. I told all my kids at Memorial that I graduated and was on to find a job. I don't want to be around here still and have everybody see my failure. Not Eric, my students, or my friends. It's terribly degrading.

NOW-In none of this do I want anyone to post "you'll be fine!" or "it's gonna work out". I truly believe these things too deep inside, but my real/surface feelings are getting stronger...HENCE a new blog!

A lot has happened this year and I may jump backwards in time to catch ya'll up or maybe not. Liz has a blog she has been good about. But between graduating, family losses, tours in Florida, part-time jobs, subbing, job hunting, interviews, moving, becoming an aunt, and growing older I feel that I've lost a little bit of myself. My confidence is waring thin and my general outlook is plain.

I'm going to go watch Roseanne and eat chips. Then mail some job materials. Then sit around and wait for a miracle to happen. Next time I'll try to be more funny. Adios.