Again, lots happened since I last posted. I'll start with the negative. Kristin Wood's passing was a very confusing, saddening time. Finding out that your friend is in a coma is really weird, especially when you have a lot going on already and haven't seen her in months. When we got the call driving back from Pat's wedding we had to pull off the interstate and re-group and then spent the night trying to realize what the news might mean. We both did a little research online and felt that we needed to keep moving forward with school and such because it could be a long road to recovery at best. I was under the impression that it was a very serious situation, but that the coma might last anywhere from days to months, to years. I went from skeptical to hopeful over night and so when we got Lindsay's call Monday night saying that she didn't make it, it was very surreal. Short spurts of crying in between calling friends to inform them, did not do any justice to the feelings that we were facing. Having to go through the week of school, including Liz's big 4/5 concert, really suppressed a lot of emotions. We had Kristin's family and friends in our hearts and minds all week, but knew that once we were together with everyone for the funeral and such that it might then finally sink in. It was a distant week. As we predicted, coming together with everyone finally did make it more real and the sobs were finally let free at the visitation that night, when we realized after over an hour of standing in line at the funeral home that it was an open casket. I'm thankful that it was, in that I was able to come to a reality with it and a concrete realization that she is in fact gone. It's indescribable to see a friend lying peacefully in a casket many years too early. I'm deeply saddened that someone so young and so able to affect lives was taken from us, as she was only beginning her career as a wonderfully caring music educator. The funeral was very touching, including her brother speaking of her ability to treat all people as she did all music: EQUAL. Following his heatfelt, teary speech a choir sang and that is probably when I felt the most pain, sobbing as Tim Baumann offered his support next to me. Lauren said it best when she said, "I just want to scream". Losing Kristin does make me feel some anger. Not the revengeful kind of anger, but just a major feeling of injustice. Friday night at her visitation her family and closest friends had already been mourning all week and so when her college friends from further away were first allowing themselves to grieve it was an uncomfortable feeling trying to offer our condolences. Her father was very sweet in trying to console us, even through his pain, by sharing with us that through her musical talent he was inspired and started a barbershop quartet 11 years ago. The group also sang at the funeral and it was very special. Music brought all of us together (as it did with Branden years ago) and it reminds me just how special it is to be a part of the greater musical family. this is something that I hope to always share with my students, any age, forever. Being that Black River Falls is on our frequent drive home from Madison, I look forward to stopping by to see Kristin's gravesite a number of times throughout the year. RIP Kristin, I'm a better person for knowing you and laughing with you.
School is going pretty good. Kids got me lots of sweets for Christmas and that always feels good. I am finding less drive than I would like in just sitting down and forcing myself to plan the rest of the year, conceptually. Even more specifically, I have to force myself to plan for each upcoming lesson. It's not reflective of my interest or passion for teaching music, or even my love for these kids, but more so that I have never taught elementary or ever done this much planning in an area that I am less knowledgable in repertoire, strategies, games, activitites, etc. It would be overwhelming if I let that really bother me. I just give all my attention to what I can do, when I can do it. I love my students with all my heart and they are being wonderful teachers to me. I pride myself on my ability to build a relationship with them and that keeps me moving every day and gets me the necessary drive to do what planning I need to do. We're getting a lot more done than they were with a non-music teacher, AND we ARE having a lot of FUN doing it. Recorder $ is in (well, less than half turned it in, but that was expected and we have reserves) and I'm excited to start doing something more up my alley. Other people cringe at the thought of teaching 20+ 4/5 at a time to play the recorder, but it makes me giddy! I have a long list of things to still do before break ends (posters, cleaning, emails, lesson planning, concert scheduling), but I will feel really good once I feel ready to tackle the second half of the year. Liz and I were just saying how blessed we feel to be learning so much about diversity, culture, and low income in schools and how this will really aide in our upcoming job searches!
What else? Pat and Erin got married. December wedding is not something I would do, but they were perfect for it. It was sort of a magical time to get married, especially after he proposed in December. They've been dating so long (close to 8 years?) and I can't wait for them to start a family. Especially after seeing the joy that it has brought to Dan and Christa! Spending so much time with Morgan throughout the wedding and holidays was such a treat. I'm equally excited for Becky and Rick to start a family together!! He proposed Thursday 12/17/09 and even though we were down from Kristin's passing, I had tears of joy after Becky's "He put a ring on it" picture text! Her voice was trembling with excitement when we called her immediately and I cannot express how estatic I am for her to have found someone who loves her as much as Liz and I do. We knew it was coming, helped pick out the ring for Pete's sake, but it still surprised me how exciting the engagement has been. They are truly a natural couple and therefore I enjoy my time spent with them, equally as my time spent in our triplet trio. Way to fit right in Rick! His parents gave her a free fricken car and she graduated so she's lethally happy right now... :)
It was the longest length of time I've spent in Menomonie, probably since my surgery, over Christmas. It many ways it was really good. I got to spend some quality time with Scott and Shannon, shedding some light on their growing personalities, talents, and interests. I never realized how artistic they are! I gave them some of my charcoal and we shopped at Penco for some supplies and spent an afternoon drawing together. It was really special. The time spent in Menomonie was following a 2 days stint in Chicago/Madison with Josh (which was fun for me-I miss hanging out and laughing like goofy!) so there was some tension knowing that Liz had a lot on her mind (plus, we slid into another car at the gas station filling up before our 4 hours trek up North because it was slippery). I guess I reached a point where I was feeling so alone in being a listener and sympathizer to Liz and broke down trying to quickly express to mom that things needed to be addressed without anyone else hearing me. After seeing that I was in some pain she did promised we would and so through break there were several lengthy conversations, thankfully one with all parties (mom, dad, Liz, and me). I'm feeling a lot better knowing that I'm not the only one who cares about the feelings that Liz has been processing for the past few months (and Becky, who is in better mental health than ever so it was hard to bring her into things more often). It was uncomfortable, but necessary and it's not all over. Liz wrote in her blog about what is happening so you could just read more there, but I just wanted our family to know she wasn't being dramatic and it was important and that message was finally conveyed. I sense that Liz feels a lot better just knowing that and so there is a major sense of relief that follows. Love you Liz-it's going to be alllllllllll better some day soon. I'll continue to be here for you.
I cannot wait for 2010 to say goodbye to 2009. Thinking back on 2009 isn't all negative, but shit, mostly. Starting out with ending my wonderful student teaching placement, a family loss in January, being sick most of my February 5bD tour, not having any luck subbing, borrowing from Becky, going back to Holiday (and DT), having the most difficult job search (mind blow!), moving to Madison only to have a hard start to subbing here, borrowing even more money from Liz, having the crappiest car, Liz having a hard time, Kristin passing, car accident...I think we can end there. On the positive: Lindsay and Nathan's wedding! Morgan's birth! Lots of sega! Lydo and Meg-O's wedding! Tim and Christine's wedding! SAI National Convention. BMB shows!! Finally getting a job! Pat and Erin getting married! Becky and Rick's engagement! Becky's graduation!! Holding Liz's hair back in the Brother's bathroom...priceless.
NY Resolutions:
*Stay positive about the direction my career takes me
*Get caught up on money (standard)
*Lose min. 20 lbs (very standard resolution for me;) ) i.e.-workout/less cheesy taco pizza bites
*Visit friends as much as I expect them to visit me
*Wear jewelry/nice clothes
*Read more
*Send more cards to loved ones!
*Be more health conscious, aside from weight.
*Do not stress about what might be hard the future (wait and see!)
Peace out 2009. I'm gonna party in EC and then never look back unless it's to apply a lesson to a more positive future!
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